thank you God for letting things turn out the way they did. it’s all for the better. i’m sorry for what i said, pretty mean things and only half-truths, to the person involved but i’m glad that things have turned out this way. and i know that this is probably the only way it would have turned out this way, knowing myself.
sigh sometimes you can’t have your cake and eat it.
and i’d been living in a lie the whole time.
i can’t believe i got sucked in to this but i don’t blame anyone but myself.
lesson learnt in self control and avoidance of indulging.
oh well. 
what does heidi klum say?
Auf Wiedersehen my friend. Auf Wiedersehen. I wish you well.
(taken from paperheartsyndrome.deviantart.com, just thought it was pretty)
this is probably about how the sun was on the opposite side of the sky when i woke up this morning. and how my name looks wrong every time i write it until it’s gotten to the point that i’m not even sure how to spell it. it’s about how everything has been flying out of my control so that i can’t remember how to walk without making a sound. or how to hold on to the edges when my vision gets too blurry. this is almost certainly about how you live one and three forth miles to the north of me, but i forgot and slept facing the south last night so now i just feel like i turned my back on you.
but really, this isn’t about you.
it’s about how i’ve subscribed to the same three magazines for three years now, and every time i open them i feel like i’ve seen it all before. and how today is like yesterday and four days before that. it’s about how i’m a repeat stuck on repeat, and we’re all the same, and i’m drowning in an ocean of these fluid lies and tired eyes. this is maybe, almost completely about how my syllables sound like falsities every time i answer the phone trying to sound like i’ve grown up, and about how i’m hoping it’s you while i’m sifting through message lists and memories.
but really, i promise, i promise this isn’t about you.
it’s about how i forget what i’m saying in the middle of sentences with complex compound structures. and how i’m not much at talking since i get nervous and my words stop making sense. it’s about how i speak in different languages that all sounds alike or like stutters. and how you’re clinging to my ribcage telling me to wait. to breathe. to smile. this is absolutely about how you’re like two fingers on my wrist checking for a pulse and about how you’re substituting your own sort of rhythm to the crash course soundtrack of my life.
this probably isn’t about you, but maybe every other moment is.
i’ve realised that no matter what goals you set, you must ensure they are for yourself.
quite duh but a lot of times we do things for others while thinking we are doing it for ourselves.
i’ve set several personal goals for myself, that are FOR myself.
i really hope i can achieve them!
wish me luck.
i always feel a little sad when i think back of yesteryear.
i feel like there’s a lot of things i missed out on. like never going to prom or having graduation. but i guess there’s futures to look forward to yeah?
i got this photo surfing esther’s blog who was surfing someone else’s blog so thanks to the author!
here’s a random quote i found on someone’s tumblr site: “Maybe love, too, is beautiful because it has a wildness that cannot be tamed. I don’t know. All I know is that passion can take you up like a house of cards in a tornado, leaving destruction in its wake. Or it can let you alone because you have built a stone wall against it, set out the armed guards to keep it from touching you…”
and by ralph emerson — when it is dark enough, you can see the stars
like that one a lot.
i wonder who reads this.
i’ve been tossing and turning in my bed, thinking random thoughts.right now i’m thinking of changing my blog address again. i dunno feels unsafe.
well not that i speak of anything very specific. well i do sometimes. i think. nah i’m quite vague. haha i’m arguing with myself.
anyway, i’m still fighting with myself and i’m undecided which me i’ll let win.
i think of God.. Why has he put me here. it’s cliche but seriously why did you put me in this pardon the irony Godforsaken earth o Lord? Is there truly a purpose for me? preordained? must i find it or must i make it up along the way?
Sometimes when you’ve been burned, you want something else for your life.
I’ve resolved to be more proactive and ‘make it work’!
teach me
